Monday, January 5, 2009

Little-Known Computer Languages

Basic, Fortran, Cobol : These programming languages are well known and (more or less) well loved throughout the computer industry. There are numerous other languages, however, that are less well known that still have ardent devotees. In fact, these little-known languages generally have the most fanatic admirers. For those who wish to know more about these obscure languages and why they are obscure I present the following catalog.

SIMPLE

SIMPLE is an acronym for Sheer Idiot's Monopurpose Programming Linguistic Environment. This language, developed at the Hanover College for Technical Misfits, was designed to make it impossible to write code with errors in it. The statements are, therefore confined to BEGIN, END, and STOP. No matter how you arrange the statements, you can't make a syntax error. Programs written in SIMPLE do nothing useful. Thus they achieve the results of programs written in other languages without the tedious, frustrating process of testing and debugging.

SLOBOL

SLOBOL is best known for the speed, or lack of it, of its compiler. Although many compilers allow you to take a coffee break while they compile, SLOBOL compilers allow you to take a trip to Bolivia to pick up the coffee. Forty-three programmers are known to have died of boredom sitting at their terminals while waiting for a SLOBOL program to compile. Weary SLOBOL programmers often turn to a related (but infinitely faster) language, COCAINE.

VALGOL

(With special thanks to Dan and Betsy "Moon Unit" Pfau) From its modest beginnings in southern California's San Fernando Valley, VALGOL is enjoying a dramatic surge of popularity across the industry. VALGOL commands include REALLY, LIKE, WELL, and Y$KNOW. Variables are assigned with the =LIKE and =TOTALLY operators. Other operators include the "CALIFORNIA BOOLEANS", FERSURE, and NOWAY. Repetions of code are handle in FOR-SURE loops. Here is a sample VALGOL program:

14 LIKE, Y$KNOW (I MEAN) START
%% IF
PI A =LIKE BITCHEN AND
01 B =LIKE TUBULAR AND
9C =LIKE GRODY^MAX
4K (FERSURE)^2
18 THEN
4I FOR I= LIKE 1 TO OH MAYBE 100
86 DO WAH + (DITTY^2)
9 BARF(I) =TOTALLY GROSS(OUT)
-17 SURE
1F LIKE BAG THIS PROGRAM
? REALLY
$$ LIKE TOTALLY (Y$KNOW)

VALGOL is characterized by its unfriendly error messages. For example, when the user makes a syntax error, the interpreter displays the message GAG ME WITH A SPOON.

LAIDBACK

Historically, VALGOL is a derivative of LAIDBACK, which was developed at the (now defunct) Marin County Center for T'ai Chi, Mellowness and Computer Programming, as an alternative to the more intense atmosphere in nearby Silicon Valley. The center was ideal for programmmers who liked to soak in hot tubs while they worked. Unfortunately, few programmers could survive there for long, since the center outlawed pizza and RC Cola in favor of bean curd and Perrier. Many mourn the demise of LAIDBACK because of its reputation as a gentle and nonthreatening language. For Example, LAIDBACK responded to syntax errors with the message, SORRY MAN, I CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT.

SARTRE

Named after the late existenitial philosopher. SARTRE is an extremely unstructured language. Statements in SARTRE have no purpose; they just are there. Thus SARTRE programs are left to define their own functions. SARTRE programmers tend to be boring and depressed and are no fun at parties.

FIFTH

FIFTH is a precision mathematical language in which the data types refer to quantity. The data types range from CC, OUNCE, SHOT, and JIGGER to FIFTH (hence the name of the language), LITER, MAGNUM, and BLOTTO. Commands refer to ingredients such as CHABLIS, CHARDONNAY, CABERBET, GIN, VERMOUTH, VODKA, SCOTCH and WHATEVERSAROUND. The many versions of the FIFTH language reflect the sophistication and financial status of its users. Commands in the ELITE dialect include VSOP and LAFITTE, while commands in the GUTTER dialect include HOOTCH and RIPPLE. The latter is a favorite of frustrated FORTH programmers who end up using the language.

C-

This language was named for the grade recieved by its creator when he submitted it as a class project in a graduate programming class. C- is best described as a "Low-Level" programming language. In fact, the language generally requires more C- statements than machine-code statements to execute a given task. In this respect, it is very similar to COBOL.

LITHP

This otherwise unremarkable language is distinguished by the absence of an "s" in its character set. Programmers and users must substitute "TH". LITHP is said to be utheful in proceththing littth.

DOGO

Developed at the Massachusetts Institute of Obedience Training. DOGO heralds a new era of computer-literates. DOGO commands include SIT, STAY, HEEL and ROLL OVER. An innovative feature of DOGO is "PUPPY GRAPHICS", in which a small cocker spaniel occasionally leaves a deposit as he travels across the screen.

Now you must have known about these unknown programming languages...

Computer Keypad Calculator































Instead of going for yet another one of those attempts of putting a calculator inside a computer mouse, like Ezkey, Sanwa, and others have tried, the Japanese company Takumi decided to try something different by designing a calculator like a keypad.



The result is a geeky cool looking calculator which can be connected to the USB port of your Windows based computer. It measures W84×H140×D23 mm and is available in white, black, red and beige.

The Takumi Keypad Calculator costs ¥5250 (about $46 USD) at caina.jp.




Sunday, January 4, 2009

Fijian Swear Words

Phrase Meaning
Caita Fuck
Kubu Suck
Magai Chinana Mother Fucker
Sona Asshole
Veicai Sexual intercourse
Vutu Sona Anal Sex
Vutulaki Wanker


If u ever come to Fiji these words might become handy...lol